when my time comes around
by othiara
Summary: "The Azgeda natblida, Ontari, marches for the capitol. She will fight you and win. Then she will claim the spirit." His eyes flash. "You must not let this happen. The spirit is not yet done with you, yongon." or Lexa has to leave Polis to protect her position as commander.
Lexa finds herself lying down in a forest. This in itself is not unusual, and she knows immediately that she is dreaming.

Usually there is someone else waiting for her when she comes here, so Lexa sits up and waits patiently. Sure enough, eventually she can feel a disturbance in the air, and she looks up to find a whole crowd of people. Logically, they shouldn't fit in this small forest clearing, but they do all the same. The closer ones are the more recent, Lexa knows, and the ones in the back are faded into just the barest wisps of ghosts.

Lexa speaks first. This is always the way it is. They call her here, and then they wait until she is ready. They have all the time in the world. "Why have you brought me here?" Lexa asks.

The previous commander, Isolde, is in front. She steps forward and carefully puts a hand on Lexa's shoulder, her eyes flashing compassion before they seal up the feeling again. Lexa remembers her lessons always and misses her often. Seeing her here is often the hardest part of her visits. Still, she was a strong proponent of the old ways, and Lexa has no doubts that she disagrees with Lexa's current principles.

Isolde speaks quietly and calmly. "The spirit is in danger. It falls to you to protect it."

Lexa swallows. This can't be good, especially not right on the brink of war. "What must I do?"

Isolde shares a glance with the commander a few before her, a man with hair that had almost turned gray before he died, one of the luckiest among them to live so long as commander. He speaks, "The Azgeda natblida, Ontari, marches for the capitol. She will fight you and win. Then she will claim the spirit." His eyes flash. "You must not let this happen."

Lexa doesn't let her emotions show. She doesn't fear death, but she does worry for her peace. She does not know Ontari well enough to guess at how she will play this war. And the other nightbloods...there is very little chance Ontari will let them live if they are a threat to her reign. But Lexa pushes that thought out of her head. "Why not?"

"She will not be a good and true ruler. She seeks to corrupt the peace and take much of our resources for Azgeda. Her reign would be short-lived and could result in many deaths." He looks her over. "The spirit is not yet done with you, yongon. "

Lexa bristles at the childish nickname. "And how do you know she will win?"

Isolde looks down on her with that tired gaze Lexa had never quite understood until she had become it. Lexa feels like a young natblida again, and she half expects Anya to give her a knock on the head for insolence. Isolde doesn't justify the question with a response. She simply says, "You must leave the throne temporarily to protect the spirit."

Lexa frowns. This is not something that happens often. Her people will not like it. But she knows better than to argue with the previous commanders when they have already reached a decision. "Where will I go?"

"That does not matter. Somewhere in Trikru land with people you trust." She pauses. "You must go soon. By dawn, if possible. Tell only Titus."

Lexa nods. "I will do this."

The previous commanders seem satisfied with that. "We will reach you again once you are safe."

The forest fades away into nothingness.

.:.

Lexa wakes for the day and immediately begins making preparations. She has very little time to waste.

She tells Titus first. He is not pleased, but he takes it in stride. "This is directly from the previous commanders? They are certain?"

"Yes," Lexa answers.

The confirmation is all he needs. "I will care for things in your absence. Though if what you say about Ontari is true...isn't there any way to stop it?" Lexa shakes her head minutely. The previous commanders are never wrong about these things. He sighs. "I wish you good travels then." He does not ask where she plans to go. He knows she cannot tell him.

Lexa nods. "Thank you."

.:.

Lexa has been thinking about where to stay. There are many who would be honored to host Heda, but she is somewhat limited in those that she trusts. There have been very few people in her life who she considers to be a friend, and even among that small number, near all are dead.

She would prefer to stay with someone she knows. Costia's older brother has always had a soft spot for her, even after she got his sister killed, but he runs an inn in the center of a fairly large town. Not so big as Polis, but chances are still good that someone would recognize her there. No, she must go somewhere more remote.

Anya's parents live in a cabin a ways from even their small village. Lexa thinks it would be safe there, and they have always liked her. She hasn't spoken to them since Anya's death, but she knows they will be willing to host her for at least long enough for her to find herself a better place to stay.

At least having few friends means that Ontari will have no one to torture for information about her. Well, no one but Clarke.

Lexa had known she and Clarke would have to part ways soon anyway. That doesn't mean that she's any happier about it coming to pass so soon. She had offered Clarke an extended stay here in Polis after the blockade went up, but now she must take back the offer. Now that Ontari is coming to Polis, Clarke is safer in Arkadia, especially with Lexa also having to leave the capitol.

It is no matter. Lexa knows she will leave anyway. Much as she had hoped otherwise, Clarke's responsibility right now is to her people.

.:.

When Clarke finds Lexa later, she already looks steeled for a goodbye. That is good. She will require no convincing.

"When do you leave?"

"Now," Clarke answers. She takes a step closer. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You have to go back. They're your people. That's why I lo - " Lexa cuts herself before she can say anything she'll regret. She doesn't want to scare Clarke away when what they have right now is so good. "That's why you're you."

"Maybe someday we will owe nothing more to our people." They will have other lives, other chances. What they can't have in this life they can still get someday.

Lexa isn't even quite ready to let go of this life yet. Ontari will not end her days, not here, not yet. Perhaps they can still squeeze a bit of happiness from these war-ridden days. Lexa holds out an arm, and Clarke grasps it.

"May we meet again," Lexa says.

Clarke moves closer, and they meet in a kiss. It's passionate and warm and beautiful and perfect. Lexa is overwhelmed by the feeling of Clarke all around her. They pause to take a breath, then start again with even more passion. Clarke reaches behind Lexa and smoothly unties her shirt.

Clarke maneuvers them toward the bed until Lexa sits down on it. Clarke looks beautiful from this angle, backlit by sunlight, lips red from kissing. Lexa has none of Clarke's skill with art, but right now, she thinks she could try, if only to capture this moment forever.

Their lips meet again, and Clarke pushes them both down onto the bed.

.:.

A warm feeling of contentment hangs in the room. Lexa lies on her side as Clarke traces a gentle hand over Lexa's tattoos. The moment has a perfect peace to it.

"If Octavia and I are going to get behind the blockade by dawn- " Clarke starts.

It's a valid point, but Lexa isn't ready to say goodbye yet. "Shh."

Lexa must tell Clarke what the previous commanders told her. Now is the time. Reluctantly, she turns over to face Clarke, who gives her a small confused smile. "I have something to tell you."

Clarke remains calm. She keeps a hand drifting over Lexa's skin. "What is it?"

"The previous commanders have given me a message. I must leave Polis."

Clarke looks concerned. "Why? What's the message?"

"If I stay, Ontari will kill me and become Heda. " Clarke's hand halts its motion suddenly. Lexa continues, "She would destroy everything I have worked for as Heda. The previous commanders agree that I must leave before this happens."

"Then you'll be safe?"

Lexa nods. "Temporarily, at least. I will be hunted."

"Because you have the spirit of the commander."

"Yes." Lexa pauses. "Ontari will gain control here. She will not have full control of the armies of the 12 clans, but she will have enough. I doubt she will abide by our alliance. It is likely that she will declare war, and the clans are already angry enough that - "

"We'll have a full attack on our hands," Clarke finishes. She pauses to let that sink in, a small frustrated frown on her face. "I'll try to deescalate things from inside as much as I can."

Lexa hates this, being so helpless in the face of a war that may destroy Clarke's home and friends and perhaps even Clarke herself. "I will try to return to power as quickly as I can."

Clarke nods. "What Ontari does while she's in power won't be your fault, you know."

Every moment Lexa does not protect her people is entirely her fault, but Lexa is not in the mood to argue. "Can we talk about something else?"

Clarke smiles. "We don't have to talk at all."

.:.

Eventually, it grows late enough that they both run out of excuses. Clarke has to go, since it's doubtful Octavia will wait for her much longer. Lexa ought to leave, too, so that she can get a good headstart.

Another goodbye seems like it would be repetitive. Still, Lexa finds it hard to leave without one.

Clarke says, "May we meet again."

Lexa hopes desperately that they do. She doesn't want this to be the end of their story. "Maybe someday," she offers.

She offers Clarke a sad smile. Clarke returns it. Then they part ways, each preparing for their own war.


End file.
